mandalay

the photo quandary

migrant farm worker by alan pogue

so last week, tim wrote me to ask if i was planning on updating my photo site and to tell me again how impressed he was by my Penobscot work.
sigh.
the next day, i met sherre, my old photo professor, for lunch. sherre is one of those people that i could talk to for hours and never stop thinking and having new ideas and being interested in her perspective. she's been working on her doctorate at UT for the last few years and i was absolutely fascinated listening to her talk about what her dissertation is about (basically the paradigm shift in the teaching of photography and the conscience of the photojournalist). i couldn't stop thinking how much i want to be taking meaningful informative pictures again. and when tim wrote me, i had a moment where i thought, i have taken pictures that mean something. pictures that make people think and wonder at the people inside. god how i miss that.

then last night, i talked to ben and we were discussing how difficult it is to be creative and do projects like that when you don't have the money and are working a full-time job. at one point i said that i couldn't seem to find any graduate photo programs that were the intense kind of documentary experience that i wanted to do (like salt) and so i might as well just take out a loan for $10,000, do a project, and skip the school part altogether. ben said something really smart after that, namely that the structure of a college is useful when you are trying to come up with ideas and get feedback as you're working on something. we talked about how it would be really helpful to form a group that could provide that support and feedback that you didn't have to pay for or be affiliated with a school.

well this afternoon, i located the texas center for documentary photography online, which i'd looked at before and the only thing that i really knew about it was that they're not open to the public, therefore not useful to me. until today. when i emailed alan pogue. and he wrote me back. so basically, i wrote this awesome documentary photographer who lives here about my frustration of wanting so much to do documentary work, but not knowing where to start and how to do it with a full-time job and little money, and how i would like to either start a group comprised of interested photographers or locate some other related forum. i have to admit, i wasn't exactly expecting a response. he wrote me back with a pretty substantial email at the end of which he said he'd be willing to discuss this stuff sometime.

and now (like that bastard robert frost, who has forever weaseled his way into my concept of decision-making) i must make a choice. i interviewed last night for a job as a photo assistant (paid position) helping to teach a museum class for kids on saturdays. however, if i were to take this position (she offered it to me this afternoon), i wouldn't have time to start a documentary group. i would have money, but no time. i would have teaching experience and a connection with a gallery, but wouldn't be able to leave town pretty much ever. i would work 6 full days a week (and also nights developing film and printing). i know it's a bit cart-before-horse, but i don't want to commit myself to something and then pass up this other opportunity. an opportunity to maybe start a group that has the same passion and value for stories that i experienced in maine at the documentary school. it is a burden sometimes, this desire to create. and while it's cliche, i have to admit - i do want to make a difference.

blah.

posted by amanda @ 10:16 PM