mandalay

help, i'm in a nutshell

Only a matter of days ago, I was naively packing boxes without regard to consequence. Everywhere I looked there was cardboard, but all I could think of was that bright yellow house with the hardwood floors and even the small closet didn't phase me at the time. And now? Everywhere I look there is cardboard.

Last night, after three nights of putting off the assembly of my bed, choosing instead to sleep with the mattress on the floor, I decided it was time to put my bed together. I had already discovered when I was taking it apart Friday that I lost the allen wrench it came with. So I drove way the hell up to home depot last night and purchased one and, upon returning home, realized that I was also missing a nut that secures the base to the headboard. For a moment, I recalled seeing the great expanse of beige carpet on my bedroom floor with that single circle of metal glimmering in the window light. But had I picked it up? I recalled my indecision, the strain I felt with all the bags pulling at my arms as I stood in the doorway and the prospect of putting them down to pick up that single nut which I probably had more of anyway. Surely I left it.

So around 9:15, after my 45 minute excursion to home depot and back, I made the 20 minute trek to the old apartment (without my key and unsure that it would be unlocked) to find said nut. I arrived. The door lock had been painted red. What did this mean? Had they changed the locks? Had we done something evil and this red paint was some kind of apartment management scarlet letter? I put my hand on the knob and turned it. It opened. I peered around, half expecting bats or perhaps someone wielding a bat to fly out at me from the darkness. It didn't happen. I walked into my bedroom and found-- nothing. So I did the only thing I could do. I drove home, frustrated, branded by the scarlet lock, put my mattress back on the floor and went to bed.

Now you might think that the sensible thing to do would have been to unpack some other boxes, perhaps put up my hanging clothes, assemble a bookshelf or locate my missing alarm clock (I've been using my cell phone). But for me, everything radiates from the bed. Until it is up, a home is not a home. No point pretending that life can continue as usual in a bed-less bog of cardboard. Can I get an amen?

Click on today's blog title for a very apt illustration of how I feel about moving.

posted by amanda @ 4:01 PM