mandalay

no news, no new regrets

yesterday morning i had one of those perfect driving experiences. i spent friday night up late doing girl talk in pajamas (sorry no pillow fights, boys) after the rehearsal dinner and bonding with a chihuahua named "allie." four of us bridesmaids and the bride stayed in a suite at the la quinta and after our hotel breakfast buffet, i headed to the other side of houston to my friend's apartment to finish making the guest book. it was perfect. the sky was cloudy, the air was cool, i rolled the windows down and weaved my way around the highways for 40 minutes while listening to the calexico album feast of wire.

one of the things i wonder sometimes (this is a little morbid i'm sorry) is what people in fatal car wrecks were listening to when they died. are the last words they hear "goodbye yellow brick road" or "i don't want to meet your daddy - i just want you in my caddy"? if it were me, i should hope that the last song i hear be something that means something to me. while i truly love bands like squirrel nut zippers, old 97s and phantom planet, their music doesn't really move me. ok, it may physically move me, make me tap my toes, make me smile, but there's other music that i feel like, if it didn't exist, i would truly be the worse for it. that kind of music that becomes part of your essence. while listening to "black heart" by calexico today, i had a moment where i thought: if someone opened me up, they would find this song. there would also be "lover, you should have come over" by jeff buckley, "missing the war" by ben folds five, "concertina" by mars volta, "the very old man" by hum, "reasons why" by nickel creek, "a day in the life" by the beatles, "two hands of a prayer" by ben harper, and a traditional african christmas carol called "betelehemu" that i once sang in choir.

these are the songs that i don't just listen to. they wash over me and it's almost like meditation in that i am often unable to think of anything but the music. it's not background music, but rather, ground music, because it's something i steady myself on, something that couldn't not exist. and sometimes, when i'm driving and listening to this music, i feel like it is the ground beneath my tires, creating that friction i need to move forward.

posted by amanda @ 10:04 PM