mandalay

how does your garden grow?

today, in between writing quiz questions and stalking ebay auctions, i watched the garden state teaser trailer. again. and again and again. i even thought about going to see it by myself again tonight but i had plans with a friend. so i watched the trailer several more times. take what i said about the donnie darko characters previously and apply it to this movie. i just want to keep seeing zach braff and natalie portman interacting. i would love for them to be in my mind's eye or on the wall in my room in some kind of fuzzy projection. i watched scrubs tonight just to see zach braff, to summon that feeling in my mind (scrubs is not the best forum). i've continued to listen to the frou frou song from the teaser and the iron & wine cover over and over at work. when i can't get on the mp3 drive, i don't listen to anything at all. there are very few movies i would say this about, but please, can it be like 2 hours longer?

posted by amanda @ 10:02 PM 4 Comments

cellar door

you know that feeling you have when you've just seen something amazing and you don't want it to end? like the characters are so vivid to you that you just want them to continue existing in your life and not be fictional or finite? this is how i felt on tuesday at the conclusion of the donnie darko director's cut premiere. i felt hopeful somehow, elevated, and i wanted to go do fabulous things after, sing loudly, write a poem, drive with the windows down, really kiss someone. all of this with tears in my eyes.

a strange movie to have this reaction to? perhaps, but seeing the movie while surrounded by people who appreciated it as much as me and laughed at the same parts as me (which never happens to me in movies - i'm always the one lone giggle) and getting to hear richard kelly talk about his experience writing it and his intentions in person. it was just wonderful. i will say nothing about the new version other than my brow was considerably less furrowed this time around, and i thought the soundtrack was flawless before, but i was wrong. now it's superb. superb.

posted by amanda @ 4:19 PM 0 Comments

the kinsey scale

interesting conversation from Casino el Camino last week:

Girlfriend of Just Guns band member says to me:
"Are you a lesbian or a bisexual?" all matter-of-fact like these are my only two options.

I look at her for a few moments (we've only shaken hands up until this point) to determine whether she's serious or not, give up and ask her if she's serious, she says yes and I respond with "neither." Since it's apparently lesbian night at Casino and I had been talking to a lesbian friend moments earlier and was sporting my new short haircut and a crocheted poncho, I guess I fit the bill. She then apologizes profusely and drunkenly and says that it's not that i look like a lesbian, per se, but one can never be sure. I tell her not to worry, that I'm not offended. She then says something to the effect of "No it's like that scale, have you ever heard of it? It measures on a scale of one to six, but hardly anyone is just a one or a six. I think I'm about a 1.162 because, you know, I can appreciate women."

It was about that point when I decided it was time to check on my burger.

posted by amanda @ 3:36 PM 0 Comments

let it seep in slowly

about two and a half years ago, i participated in the open-mic night put on by the Plan II honors program at UT. it was for the release of their literary magazine in one of the 3rd floor union suites and people who had been published in it along with other people read poetry, played songs and did some performance art. there were about 30 pieces in all. toward the very end, a rather unassuming but attractive guy with longish brown hair and glasses was asked to perform, introduced as mark ashworth, and he went up to the front with his guitar, sat down and began to play. i, along with everyone else in the room, was floored. he had this warm and luxurious voice that just washed over you. and his lyrics were really good. the first song he did was called "beautiful girl." i was even further astounded when he asked if he could do one on piano and moved across the room into the corner. it was phenomenal. "let it seep in slowly" was this amazing modulating song that swept you along entirely and i almost felt like i was on a merry-go-round. everyone screamed and applauded furiously when he finished. and that was it. i heard later that he had to drink quite a bit before he performed because he had such stage fright. so besides being amazingly talented, he was able to more than adequately carry a tune while drunk. i went to another open-mic night the next semester where we got live cds from the first night. but i didn't get to hear mark again.

here's the thing: this guy was amazing. i tried e-mailing him once to see if he was still writing or performing and never heard back from him. the prospect of going the rest of my life without hearing this guy sing again pains me. i would seriously take demos to every club in town- hell, i would make them myself - if it meant that he would get the recognition and opportunity he deserves and the rest of the world might get to hear him. he was that good. in fact, when i was thinking about it last year, i realized that this is probably how some people end up becoming managers - they find themselves faced with a talent that's undeniable, and if no one else is going to make it happen, it might as well be them.

update: in response to this entry, ilan posted the song on his site, visit and you can hear what i'm talking about.

posted by amanda @ 8:11 AM 0 Comments

the state that i am in

so i saw garden state last night. on friday, in preparation for my sunday matinee plans, i listened to the soudtrack about 3 times and fell in love with the iron & wine cover of the postal service's "such great heights." i'm not going to say much about the movie other than i think zach braff is off to a very good start as a writer and director and i look forward to seeing more films out of him. and i may actually go see this again in the theater, which i've probably done with less than 10 movies ever, the last of which was lost in translation, so go see it if you have the chance.

i saw some really good previews, including one for "i love huckabees" with jason schwartzmann (of rushmore and phantom planet fame), and another for "the life aquatic" featuring bill murray (yay another lead role) which is the new wes anderson movie due out on christmas.

alright i'm gonna leave this as a purely film-related post. on that note, here's an under-appreciated film list for you to peruse. more later.

posted by amanda @ 9:35 AM 0 Comments

as GusGus says to Cinderelly... Happy Birtday!

Wow what a night. I saw so much good music and had such an excellent time. I went to get my haircut after work at Platypus Planet, which was awesome. Kelly is excellent and I got a 25-minute scalp massage and shampoo while drinking a Red Hook. Awesome. Then we had a mutual bitch-fest about moving trauma and I left more relaxed and less frumpy for my birthday celebration. I went to a happy hour show at Red Eyed Fly featuring Just Guns (Joanna's friends' band) and I really enjoyed their set. The sound was a bit muddled but I don't think that was the band's fault. Afterwards, Dave and I went to the Rank and Revue meeting at the Side Bar to sign up for some shows. I am absolutely giddy. In the next month, I will be photographing Phantom Planet, Deathray Davies, Minus the Bear, and the Wilco/Calexico ACL afterparty. Giddy I tell you.

After that, I met Joanna & co. at Casino el Camino and had an excellent margarita and burger. I ran into my friend Krist (who's an awesome poet in the Michener Center for Writers program) and finally met her twin sister. Talked with some cool people about documentary work and the distribution of talent among the population. I headed over to Emo's a bit later and caught the last few songs of What Made Milwaukee Famous. Let me tell you what I love about this band: besides the fact that they totally rocked and had such an amazing energy that it was impossible to stand still while listening, they could give dorks everywhere hope for a better tomorrow and a life as a rock star. Their bassist was the scrappiest most unlikely dude and it made me so happy to see him on stage at Emo's. Ilan, you have to hear this band. Joanna's lending me her CD so I'll burn you a copy if you don't have one.

After WMMF, Shearwater went on. My dear friend Dorothy introduced me to Shearwater, because her brother is the lead singer and her boyfriend plays violin in the group. I had heard their other band, Okkervil River at SXSW, but I must say I think I liked Shearwater better. It's just plain good. The instrumentation is phenomenal. And this show was amazing. Magnolia Electric Company followed and they were good too, though I don't want to have Jason Molina's love children like Joanna does.

All in all, it was a great night. I got to hang out with Dorothy a bit before she left, chat with Joanna and Dylan, and meet some really cool people. And I turned 24. Good times.

posted by amanda @ 10:21 AM 0 Comments

Last night was absolutely lovely. Dorothy and I went to Central Market and got fruit, grilled asparagus and sushi and christened my new old formica kitchen table by dining on it and drinking white wine. We chatted for quite some time and then watched the women's gymnastics (though it seems wrong to call those tiny things women) team final on TV. We argued about the classification of alt-country and how the genre (because of the name) should include bands more like Old '97s than Wilco. Shouldn't alt-country be twangy?

Tonight marks the beginning of birthday activities. Dave 2 (as he is now fondly called at work) is having his birthday dinner tonight at Chuy's. The 'rents are payin' - wooo!!! After that, I may be photographing the A.C. Newman show at The Parish, though it all depends on whether Rank and Revue managed to get us on the list. Pie Heaven 2 is this evening as well, and I shall be baking a pecan pie this afternoon for this purpose. Pie Heaven is a lovely Meiburg idea (Dorothy and Jonathan) that consists of a party where everyone has to bring either pie or beer. What a fabulous combination. The only other thing that challenges this party originality is the party that Ashley's friend Travis had last weekend which was a kegger/garage sale. Really though - what could be better? Getting people drunk so they pay you for things you don't want? Novel, I tell you. It's the wave of the future. Anyway, tomorrow I will be celebrating my birthday with friends in Austin and then Friday, I will be celebrating with friends in San Antonio, since I'll be photographing a conference there on Saturday.

In case you weren't aware of it, Northern Exposure is now playing on the Hallmark channel. I fear that my bedtime is about to become much later because I happened upon it the other day at 11 or 12 and was powerless to resist. It was the episode where John Corbett loses his voice and is told a story about how the only way to get his voice back was to sleep with the most beautiful woman in town. He got his mojo back of course - who can resist John Corbett? Ah how I love those philosophical radio rants. In other news, Fraggle Rock has just been released on DVD. OK I must away...

posted by amanda @ 11:52 AM 0 Comments

post-red lobster ruminations

You know, it amazes me sometimes the ability we have as living things to adapt. For me, adaptability to new situations has a lot to do with whether or not I know something is going to change. If I'm not mentally prepared, it affects my reaction to it much more drastically, but if I have any semblance of an idea of what's going to change, it barely fazes me. You know the kids at camp who freaked out because they had never been away from home or they missed their parents? I was never one of those kids. In fact, my mom was, I think, a little hurt that I was always so willing to jump into different situations. She told me that the first time she left me with my aunt, I had a wonderful time when she was away and when she came back to get me, a few days later, I looked at her and started bawling because it wasn't until then that I realized she'd left. That was the only time it bothered me. But I digress.

I guess what I'm saying is, every year or two, I find myself surrounded by an entirely different group of people than previously. There are a few characters that carry over, but for the most part, my activities and the people I hang out with are totally different than they were in, say, Summer 2003 or Fall 2002. I have a different job, different home. Even now, I'm looking at a photo from our party a few weeks ago and (though there are still boxes crowding my apartment) I already truly feel that this new place is my home. And I'm ok with that. In fact, I love it. I love looking at someone, a new friend perhaps or someone that was only a face to me two years ago and thinking to myself, things have changed. As they should.

posted by amanda @ 2:54 PM 0 Comments

matrix + ping pong =

hours o' fun.

posted by amanda @ 11:30 AM 0 Comments

mona lisa

yesterday, on my way home from work, i saw a squirrel cross 6 lanes of traffic on congress during rush hour. i still haven't decided if i think he is really brave or really stupid but he made it and i salute him.

in other news, i've been pondering a few things lately. several months ago, when nicknames were being determined for me and my co-workers, someone hit on the idea of "demanda." from this sprang "master and commanda," "reprimanda" and "pituitary glanda." somehow, i am the only person whose nickname stuck. i am fine with this and i am fine with my nicknames. the only thing is that a whole myth now surrounds me as to how i "demanda" that everything go my way and i "commanda" all activities. the truth is that i am a very indecisive person and am not generally one to command anyone. in fact, many an acquaintance and friend has commented on how i convey most of my feelings not by what i say but by how i look. i've been told by one person that they needed an alphabet for my eyes and by another that i was a human recorder. the problem with this is that my new nickname has changed the light in which people see me so that now my facial expressions which i thought were only bemused and observant are now considered judgmental and aloof. so i would like to ask you, my friends, if you think i project that. also, is my smile devilish or unnerving? if so, does it make me an inherently unapproachable person? i really do want to know what you think...

posted by amanda @ 5:37 PM 1 Comments

what happens on the river stays on the river

This past weekend was one for the books. Friday night, I drove to Round Rock for the first of my friend Aleena's bachelorette party activities. We went to Bennigan's and I got to see her take a blow job shot out of our blushing, newly-21-year-old waiter's lap. Afterwards, I was supposed to hang out with Ashley, so I called her and she told me she was hanging out at home drinking scotch and watching surfing movies. What better way to spend a Friday night? So I went over to her new house and joined her, met her crazy white cat Clover, and we gossiped and discussed how it should be easier and more acceptable to do things like we did in high school and early college, like have make out buddies or random hook-ups where no one is emotionally attached and everyone's happy. Maybe it was just the scotch talking...

Saturday the bachelorette activities continued and I went with three other girls to New Braunfels to float the river. Aleena's mom had agreed to be our DD and drive us there and she and a friend had come from Midland for just this purpose. What this ended up meaning, however, was that us four girls had to all fit in the backseat together. It ended up feeling quite a bit like early high school and junior high, especially when a cute boy in a 4 runner drove by and everyone started making eyes and waving... from the backseat, with Aleena's mom driving.

We made it to the river without much incident, had to wait in line for 45 minutes to get our tubes, finally made it in the water and the drinking began. It was all very chill for about the first hour. We all floated with our feet up on the cooler tube in the center. Life was happy and gay. About this time, someone in our group figured out that there was a bachelor party next to us. Aleena had her veil on so it was only a matter of time before the parties collided. And oh did they. Aleena began flashing people. She always made sure that there were no children around when she did it. Eventually, demands were made that the boys reciprocate by showing their goods. I averted my eyes. Then Aleena started trying to get Trisha to flash as well. The boys took up the request and I suddenly found myself surrounded by fifteen or twenty booming male voices chanting "Trisha! Trisha!" (I feel that now is a good time to mention that I was the only single one out of the lot; both Trish and Tiffany are married, and Aleena is engaged to her bf of 6 years) When money entered the picture, $20 I believe it was, Trisha conceded and the twins came out. There was a chorus of cheers and praise and I suddenly found myself with some random guy's feet hooked under my tube, in the middle of what I would imagine a frat boy's wet dream to be like. Minus Dave Matthews that is. Needless to say these weren't my type of boys.

Now Trisha is small, probably 110 pounds. It was about this time that I started to realize how drunk she was. Trish had apparently polished off two liters of Sprite and Seagram's 7. And the boys were giving her beer. She began yelling "Tits for penis! We'll show you tits if you show us penis!" This went on for about the last hour of the float. When we got to the boys' exit point, there were 15 minutes of them trying to convince us to go around one more time or come to San Antonio that night to drink and the girls inviting them to 6th street. I invited no one. We finally escaped and grabbed on to the side of the river a little ways down to finish off the Coors light before we got on the shuttle. Trish continued to yell "Tits for penis" as people were getting out of the water. I still have the image burned in my head of a little girl with her mother in an inner tube burying her face into her mom's chest and the mother covering her ears as Trish was yelling. These antics continued on the shuttle (which was a short yellow school bus) and there was an older couple in the seat in front of us who looked supremely uncomfortable as Trish tried to convince a relatively attractive and non-exhibitionistic guy to show his package. Dear God.

When we got off the bus, Aleena had to support Trisha and walk her to the bathroom where the puking began. Oh happy day. When we finally managed to get her into the car, we decided she had to have something to eat and we drove to Jack in the Box. Trish immediately had to go to the bathroom. They brought her back out and tried to get her to eat some of the burger we'd ordered for her and tears started to roll down her face and she began to hyperventilate. As a wail was building up in her, they rushed her back into the girl's bathroom. She didn't leave the bathroom for an hour and a half, during which time, she was throwing up blood and we started trying to find her insurance info so we could take her to the hospital. Eventually we were able to move her to the outdoor area, where Aleena tried to get her to eat croutons that some biker gave us and said would make her stop throwing up. It seemed to work. We sent her home (after quite a while) in the car with Aleena's mom and Tiffany, the matron of honor. We called Aleena's boyfriend in Round Rock and he drove down to pick the rest of us up. And got lost. For an hour. It was 8:45 before he arrived, and by that time, we had been at Jack in the Box for about 4 hours. We were supposed to go to 6th street that night, but needless to say, it didn't happen. I was crashed out by 11.

Sunday, I woke up at 7:30 full of initiative, went into my living room and pulled out my paint samples to ponder. I chose the color I wanted, drove to Home Depot at 8:45, got my paint, painter's tape, a drop cloth and a roller and drove back home. About the time that I was contemplating sustenance for a day of painting, I got a breakfast taco wake-up call from Ashley. We went to Juan in a Million (my third Sunday in a row) and each got a Don Juan. Then we went back to my place and Ashley helped me tape around the door and window frames and wash the walls. When Ashley left to do some reading, I went to Joanna's for sewing circle and had coffee and donuts and talked music and boys with the girls. We made plans to visit IKEA and for me to take pictures next weekend. At about 4, I returned home, finished taping and cleaning and put on a coat of primer. This took hours. By about 8, I was nearly falling off the ladder with hungover exhaustion so I watched Six Feet Under on the furniture clustered in the center of my living room and went to bed. Such was my weekend. Hoo-ah.

posted by amanda @ 10:28 AM 2 Comments

help, i'm in a nutshell

Only a matter of days ago, I was naively packing boxes without regard to consequence. Everywhere I looked there was cardboard, but all I could think of was that bright yellow house with the hardwood floors and even the small closet didn't phase me at the time. And now? Everywhere I look there is cardboard.

Last night, after three nights of putting off the assembly of my bed, choosing instead to sleep with the mattress on the floor, I decided it was time to put my bed together. I had already discovered when I was taking it apart Friday that I lost the allen wrench it came with. So I drove way the hell up to home depot last night and purchased one and, upon returning home, realized that I was also missing a nut that secures the base to the headboard. For a moment, I recalled seeing the great expanse of beige carpet on my bedroom floor with that single circle of metal glimmering in the window light. But had I picked it up? I recalled my indecision, the strain I felt with all the bags pulling at my arms as I stood in the doorway and the prospect of putting them down to pick up that single nut which I probably had more of anyway. Surely I left it.

So around 9:15, after my 45 minute excursion to home depot and back, I made the 20 minute trek to the old apartment (without my key and unsure that it would be unlocked) to find said nut. I arrived. The door lock had been painted red. What did this mean? Had they changed the locks? Had we done something evil and this red paint was some kind of apartment management scarlet letter? I put my hand on the knob and turned it. It opened. I peered around, half expecting bats or perhaps someone wielding a bat to fly out at me from the darkness. It didn't happen. I walked into my bedroom and found-- nothing. So I did the only thing I could do. I drove home, frustrated, branded by the scarlet lock, put my mattress back on the floor and went to bed.

Now you might think that the sensible thing to do would have been to unpack some other boxes, perhaps put up my hanging clothes, assemble a bookshelf or locate my missing alarm clock (I've been using my cell phone). But for me, everything radiates from the bed. Until it is up, a home is not a home. No point pretending that life can continue as usual in a bed-less bog of cardboard. Can I get an amen?

Click on today's blog title for a very apt illustration of how I feel about moving.

posted by amanda @ 4:01 PM 0 Comments

ode to an office chair

I have a squeaky chair. This is the same chair that I had to get a doctor's note from Maine for so that my employers would purchase something that would support my back more fully. So I technically have no right to bitch about the squeaking. After all, it's new squeaking. It's squeaking that means that my back is in a happier place. But it's squeaking nonetheless.

When I laugh, it squeaks. My laugh is loud enough (as I've been told at work) that I don't need any office chair modulating my noise output. It squeaks when I sit up, when I slump, when I reach forward to pick up my Nalgene bottle or sometimes for no reason at all. As I type this sentence, my chair squeaked twice.

Please, someone come unsqueak me.

posted by amanda @ 11:59 AM 1 Comments